The Comedian Next Door

So, with our rock n' roll fantasies under our belts, a babe in arms and a coupla carrots dangling from a sun-drenched palm frond, Me, the Hubbers (ya know, Stix) and the Kid find our little happy family back in Lalaland, USA.
We have traded in the rural nocturnal primal screams of Bedford, New York (coyotes, foxes, and spring peepers) for the late night primal screams of another genre, Venice Beach's night-owl shenanigans.
BTW..."What are spring peepers" you ask? Well spring "peepers" (don't let the name fool ya!) are tiny-whiny, wittle fwoggy-woggies who have a "Frogz-in-heat-a-Palooza" each spring. And, well, you do the math; One peep x one million peeps=Fuh-reak-ing LOUDDD!!
Can you tell I'm sensitive to sound? Especially night time sounds? Well, here-in lies "la raison". Rewind to...me preggers, 30-some weeks go by as I grow and glow n' grow some more. The bun is done, the stork is alerted and down floats Junior on a white puffy cloud right into my arms (or something like that. Man! what were they givin' me in el hopital?! me want more!)
Okay, so, cue the sobs of joy! Cue the awe-induced stupor and then, WHAM! While I'm distracted by alternating thoughts of "Holy sh*t! Yikes!" and "OMG!! How cute!", out of the corner of my bleary eye, something mysterious is floating away saying "Sayonara Sucka!" All my nights of good sleep have just lept upon that puffy cloud and and drifted away until further notice. That's okay, I'm too busy (and incoherent) to notice.
Cut to: 3am, on like a Tuesday by the way! Our bundle of joy is catching about his millionth "z" of the day, Stix is sawing logs, and hey I am sleeping too!
Then, kinda like a mosquito in your ear or a tell tale freakin' heart under the floor boards, a faint noise begins to grow louder and you guessed it, LOUDER.
First one eye snaps open, then the other, then five little words leak out of my mouth "W-T-F is that!?" Oh, and the "W" is for "Who" not "What" in this case.
At the exact moment that I realize that a) I am awake and b) it AIN"T junior in the next room that's waking me up. Uh-oh, look out! I scramble outta bed and pull on pretty much anything I can find. Oh, I will get to the bottom of the really bad doonce-doonce track that's blasting outside my window, at 3am on a Tuesday!!
Wait, take a beat Anne, breathe. I calm myself by thinking, "Ya know, this dude (I just know it's some "dude") will drive away soon". He's just dropping his buddy off after yet another late night at the Roxbury. No worries, I'm cool wit dat. I had a life too ya know.
But nooooo people, the techno-pop plays on. And on, and...That's IT!! Look out you Roxbury freak, you just woke a sleeping bear!
Looking for back-up, I announce that I am going to go tell this idiot to be quiet! My husband mumbles something about pineapples and rolls over-that guy can sleep through anything!! I tromp downstairs (in time to the disco beat!). I grab a big, black flash light step into hubby's boots. I'm a crazed Ma Kettle (is there any other kind?) ready for battle!!
I march outside, across the lawn towards the nice white beamer with the very blacked-out windows. Now what? The music is still really loud, where are the other neighbors? Jeez-lah-weez!
With an "Okay Mister!" attitude I shine the big ol' mag light's beam into the abyss.
I literally stumble backwards in disbelief but I somehow manage to keep the big bright beam shining away. I am illuminating a hot n' steamy, racy make-out session between two partially clothed young adults. Whoa! The Dude woke up me, the sleeping bear but I have just stirred up a hot n' horny hornet's nest! Now what?
My neighbor is yelling something at me like "What the hell are you doing!! I live here!!" Why should I back down now?
I just keep repeating the same thing "Turn down the music!" and "If you live here, then go inside fer chrissakes!".
With that, I tromp back across the lawn, realizing that some unintended and definitely unsequestered rite of passage has just occurred in my life on my neighbor's lawn at 3:15am on a Tuesday.
I had just traded in the girl who blasted her music too loud, drove to New York city at 2am on whims, escaped arrest by the Portuguese Police on a dusty road with friends searching for a party, snuck into GWAR, drove a darn Geo Tracker across the United States by herself, surfed Baja by herself and thousands more adventurous moments, I had traded in that free-wheelin' spirit for a "Turn that music down!!" Mama." Oy.
Ah well, what the hell are ya gonna do? Several days after that fateful evening, my neighbor found me literally crouching on all fours in my front yard, hiding from him out of major embarrassment. He peered over the white pickets and introduced himself. I fessed up to my mind-numbing level of embarrassment and explained my sleep-deprived maniacal state. He laughed and said he would "take it inside" next time. We became friends, me and Chris, the comedian next door, he is hilarious!